Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We need to rekindle our bromance
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
