i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
