Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize