420 ftw
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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