That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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