took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
