I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
