I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
