It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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