I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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