I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
