SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
