I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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