she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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