so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
