just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize