i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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