That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
