I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
