She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
