2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
