Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize