you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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