never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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