I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
