When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
