Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
