By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
