Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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