My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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