its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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