he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
