It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
