Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Actions speak louder than pants.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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