Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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