The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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