What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
