Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
