Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
this is an emotional support booty call
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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