there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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