Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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