I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize