im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
