is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
