In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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