Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
