your thong is hanging out like whoa
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
