How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
