woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
