I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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