im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
