Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
