In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize