Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
