He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize