You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
