god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize