Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
