I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize