Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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