Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
"it" just moved
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
