You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
