Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
