and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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