upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize