I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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