Just fell off a train. Bad.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
