My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
