As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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