so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
