we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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