it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
