3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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