We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
