I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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