SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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