This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
