a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
