I can text with my tongue
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
