i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
