I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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