Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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