hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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