Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
