He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
