Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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