someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
