He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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