This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
