is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize