My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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