i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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