Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
