We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
