Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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